Seriously though, I thought in the spirit of dealing with depression and anxiety and stress rather than succumbing to it, I would make a list of everything I could think of spur-of-the-moment that I love about my babies... to counter the things that drive me bonkers.
1. They are practically incapable of being without me. Which, while extremely frustrating when I need to do stuff, is a bond that I am thrilled and grateful that my babies have developed with me. I am the biggest part of their world. My arms are the ones they want when nothing else makes them happy. My voice is the one they want to hear singing when they can't fall asleep. I am Mommy... to be that person to these perfect little beings I helped create, and protected, grew and nurtured inside my own body for almost 36 weeks, is a greater blessing and gift than I have ever received.
2. The once-gummy, now-toothy grins they give me. Sometimes it's for no reason other than the fact that I looked at them. I don't care why they smile at me, I just love that they do and every single one of those smiles is perfect and precious.
3. Baby giggles. They started as cooing, graduated to chuckles, and now are full-blown belly laughs that are so contagious they'll have everyone in the room laughing with them. Whether it's tickles or playing peekaboo through the bars of the crib (like I did with Dex tonight, who was sitting up in his diaper and squealed, laughed and fell over when I popped up to peekaboo), that laughter is the cure for any level of crappy day.
4. The now-rare moments when they sleep on my chest. Sometimes I have to sneak and pick them up while they're already sleeping to get them to sleep on me, but every so often, they will grace me with a warm, snuggly baby zonk by drifting off in my arms, and I can sit and watch their eyelids flutter and listen to their deep, even breathing. There truly is nothing in the world more relaxing and joyful than holding your sleeping infant(s).
5. How Eli likes to pat my face when I feed him. He feels my facial features (<- this, previously a typo, said "facial feathers". I want you to think about that long and hard, and how terrified you are now that you've pictured it) and pats my cheeks, and it's absolutely darling... when he doesn't poke my eyeball with a fingernail.
6. How different they really are. Dexter is already on the verge of crawling and is sitting up by himself. Eli is babbling in full, consonant-laden conversations with his toys. Their laughter is subtly different. Their cries are different. Their voices in general are different, as are their personalities and preferences While Eli is not yet mobile, and Dexter does little more than yell rather than babble, watching them grow and develop at their different paces is fascinating and beautiful.
7. The way their faces brighten up when Brian gets out of bed. They miss their Daddy when he has to sleep during the day after working all night, and seeing his face after missing him for hours lights up those big blue eyes in the most incredible way.
8. How mesmerized they are by the cats. They are starting to really enjoy the cats, more than just being aware of them, and will reach out to touch them and watch them walk by. The cats, in return, have started to become slightly more interested in the boys and will sit on the floor nearby while they play. The loose harmony between my babies and my furbabies is adorable.
9. When they cry, they say "mamamamama". Maybe my hours of smiling and kissing faces and repeating countless times "say mama! Say Mommmmmmy" is finally paying off. Hehehe (my Dad would be delighted if they said "grandpa" first though, so I do feed in gramma and grandpa in addition to daddy... I'm not totally selfish).
10. How much I really, truly miss them after being away from them for any length of time, whether it's an hour or 10 hours... no matter how crazy they were driving me before that. I cannot begin to imagine what life is like for military service members who have children and get deployed, or parents that travel often for business, or what have you. I can't imagine being away from my peanuts for too long, even when I do need a break.
Dexter and I: September 2013
Elijah and I: September 2013
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