I read some stories recently about some children who had terrible grandparents.
In one, the grandparents babysat, but refused to honor the parents' request that they NOT smoke around the baby or let the dogs run rampant with the baby laying around vulnerable. As a result, supposedly the grandparents disowned the child. In another, the grandparents of a five year-old girl were seen frequently in commercials advocating pet adoption, and the girl asked on a regular basis if they could get a dog so that the grandparents would come and visit the dog and she would get to see them.
I find this incredibly sad. Regardless of your relationship with your own children, your grandchildren have done nothing wrong and do not deserve to be treated in such a way. How on earth could you punish your grandchild for ANY reason?
We are SO thrilled, and so fortunate, to have parents that are crazy about our babies. Both my parents and my husband's parents have been phenomenally supportive, loving, and generous in helping us care for our little ones, and spending time with them. I had wonderful grandparents myself, as did my husband, and I would want nothing less for our babies.
We love you, Mom, Dad, Karen and Dave! Thank you so much for all that you do for us, and for the boys. God has truly blessed us with a beautiful family, both immediate and extended.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Sunday, June 16, 2013
The Mortar To My Brick
I've heard women say many things about being a mom, and among them, that it's a faceless job... so to speak.
I'm referring to mothers, especially stay-at-home moms, becoming a sort of silent, driving force in a family. The unrecognized mortar that binds together the bricks of the family's foundation. I'm referring to how a child can go off to school for the day thinking that everything they do and everyone they see comprises the entire world they live in, come home, go to bed, and go back to their "world" all over again. They never notice the clean clothes in their drawer, the hot food on the table, the "I love you" note and extra cookie in their lunchbox... nor who did it all for them.
I'm a mother now (derp), and I am 110% in love with my amazing husband and my beautiful boys. Many women look down on me for being content to raise my children and take care of my family rather than work 80 hours a week at a law firm or travel back and forth to California or New York or Florida for business all year long. To these women, I say:
I had career dreams, of course. But while spending six years in school convincing myself that I needed a master's and/or PhD to be happy for the rest of my life, I knew deep down that the only things I truly wanted and needed to be happy were a good husband, children, and my family and friends. At the end of the day, isn't that what makes anyone happy? Doesn't everyone wait to come home to people they love after a long, crappy day of work? The only differences for me are that I don't get paid to do what I do, and I do the things I do for the benefit of others more than myself. There is no promotion, no pay raise, no upgrade.
There is, of course, one more difference....
Motherhood is a thankless job, one of little to no recognition. I came to realize that very quickly when I started noticing, going through photos and putting them into albums, that I was in a painful few number of the pictures. I was almost always the one holding the camera, and I still am. I see photos of my family, my in-laws, my friends, my husband, holding our babies, and can't help feeling depressed at the fact that nobody thinks to document my time with my children... or anyone else for that matter. I'm well aware that I'm not at all photogenic, and while I'm already a cow, the camera makes it 10x worse. Everyone takes pictures of everyone else because they know that preserving these memories now will make many people happy later. But rarely does anyone realize that I'm still there. I'm sure it sounds bitter, and to an extent, it kind of is. But I was the one that grew these perfect little humans inside my body for eight months. I was the one that suffered two lonely months in a bed by myself half the day, cut off from the world (unless you count Facebook). I was the one that had to lay in a hospital bed on countless occasions with agonizing back pain and too-small straps and fetal heart monitors cutting into my skin. I was the one that had to be cut open, and later suffer infection from the cesarean delivery of the twins. And I'm the one that goes unnoticed.
I know and am slightly ashamed that I am wallowing in self-pity. No one needs to tell me this. But, like so many things in life, I expected something different than I got.
I have no regrets. I don't regret my marriage, I don't regret conceiving a baby, much less two. I don't regret any of it. I would do it over again in half a heartbeat. But the important lesson I have learned is that my mother, my mother-in-law, every mother alive deserves far more praise, recognition, and thanks for what they do and have done. Knowing now what motherhood really is, I am ashamed that I didn't thank my own mother enough for the countless things, large and small, that she did for me and my siblings growing up. My mom is incredible, and I would not be where I am today without all of her love, care, and sacrifice. I love you, Momma. You are the mortar to my brick.
So, mothers everywhere, know that you are seen, heard, and appreciated... at the very least, by one fellow mom.
I'm referring to mothers, especially stay-at-home moms, becoming a sort of silent, driving force in a family. The unrecognized mortar that binds together the bricks of the family's foundation. I'm referring to how a child can go off to school for the day thinking that everything they do and everyone they see comprises the entire world they live in, come home, go to bed, and go back to their "world" all over again. They never notice the clean clothes in their drawer, the hot food on the table, the "I love you" note and extra cookie in their lunchbox... nor who did it all for them.
I'm a mother now (derp), and I am 110% in love with my amazing husband and my beautiful boys. Many women look down on me for being content to raise my children and take care of my family rather than work 80 hours a week at a law firm or travel back and forth to California or New York or Florida for business all year long. To these women, I say:
I had career dreams, of course. But while spending six years in school convincing myself that I needed a master's and/or PhD to be happy for the rest of my life, I knew deep down that the only things I truly wanted and needed to be happy were a good husband, children, and my family and friends. At the end of the day, isn't that what makes anyone happy? Doesn't everyone wait to come home to people they love after a long, crappy day of work? The only differences for me are that I don't get paid to do what I do, and I do the things I do for the benefit of others more than myself. There is no promotion, no pay raise, no upgrade.
There is, of course, one more difference....
Motherhood is a thankless job, one of little to no recognition. I came to realize that very quickly when I started noticing, going through photos and putting them into albums, that I was in a painful few number of the pictures. I was almost always the one holding the camera, and I still am. I see photos of my family, my in-laws, my friends, my husband, holding our babies, and can't help feeling depressed at the fact that nobody thinks to document my time with my children... or anyone else for that matter. I'm well aware that I'm not at all photogenic, and while I'm already a cow, the camera makes it 10x worse. Everyone takes pictures of everyone else because they know that preserving these memories now will make many people happy later. But rarely does anyone realize that I'm still there. I'm sure it sounds bitter, and to an extent, it kind of is. But I was the one that grew these perfect little humans inside my body for eight months. I was the one that suffered two lonely months in a bed by myself half the day, cut off from the world (unless you count Facebook). I was the one that had to lay in a hospital bed on countless occasions with agonizing back pain and too-small straps and fetal heart monitors cutting into my skin. I was the one that had to be cut open, and later suffer infection from the cesarean delivery of the twins. And I'm the one that goes unnoticed.
I know and am slightly ashamed that I am wallowing in self-pity. No one needs to tell me this. But, like so many things in life, I expected something different than I got.
I have no regrets. I don't regret my marriage, I don't regret conceiving a baby, much less two. I don't regret any of it. I would do it over again in half a heartbeat. But the important lesson I have learned is that my mother, my mother-in-law, every mother alive deserves far more praise, recognition, and thanks for what they do and have done. Knowing now what motherhood really is, I am ashamed that I didn't thank my own mother enough for the countless things, large and small, that she did for me and my siblings growing up. My mom is incredible, and I would not be where I am today without all of her love, care, and sacrifice. I love you, Momma. You are the mortar to my brick.
So, mothers everywhere, know that you are seen, heard, and appreciated... at the very least, by one fellow mom.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
World's Dumbest Criminal.
Today, on CafeMom, I was milling around, reading through random posts, and I came across this one:
http://www.cafemom.com/group/115189/forums/read/18641516/Redbox_Is_it_REALLY_stealing_picture_proof?next=621#replies
I. Am. Stunned. Nevermind that this chick is a dirty, dirty thief. What stuns me even more is that she actually POSTED IT ON THE INTERNET FOR EVERYONE TO SEE. So what happened? A bunch of other members contacted Redbox and reported her. Now she's under investigation, and it's only a matter of time before they catch her and bust her.
What really makes me angry about this is that Brian, the boys and I are struggling financially, and we have limited funds for entertainment purposes. Redbox is one of the things that we keep on standby when we have no money, because their rental fees are cheaper than say, Family Video. However, with costs steadily increasing (because of bitches like this), what are we to do one day when it suddenly costs $5 even to borrow a movie from Redbox? This makes me so mad. To be honest, I already thought she deserved to be busted for doing it in the first place, but for being stupid enough to broadcast it on the internet? This should go on an episode of "World's Dumbest Criminals". Seriously.
In other news, Dexter is sitting beside me trying like hell to poop. A lot of grunting accompanies his efforts, and lots of feet in the air or scrunching up into a ball and turning red in the face.
http://www.cafemom.com/group/115189/forums/read/18641516/Redbox_Is_it_REALLY_stealing_picture_proof?next=621#replies
I. Am. Stunned. Nevermind that this chick is a dirty, dirty thief. What stuns me even more is that she actually POSTED IT ON THE INTERNET FOR EVERYONE TO SEE. So what happened? A bunch of other members contacted Redbox and reported her. Now she's under investigation, and it's only a matter of time before they catch her and bust her.
What really makes me angry about this is that Brian, the boys and I are struggling financially, and we have limited funds for entertainment purposes. Redbox is one of the things that we keep on standby when we have no money, because their rental fees are cheaper than say, Family Video. However, with costs steadily increasing (because of bitches like this), what are we to do one day when it suddenly costs $5 even to borrow a movie from Redbox? This makes me so mad. To be honest, I already thought she deserved to be busted for doing it in the first place, but for being stupid enough to broadcast it on the internet? This should go on an episode of "World's Dumbest Criminals". Seriously.
In other news, Dexter is sitting beside me trying like hell to poop. A lot of grunting accompanies his efforts, and lots of feet in the air or scrunching up into a ball and turning red in the face.
"Oh, Mother! I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint: it's in my diaper, and it's not a toaster."
Monday, June 10, 2013
Parenting Fail.
As many of you may have heard if you know us, we have the most horrendous neighbors.
They have three children, one of which is an absolute terror. We live below this family and all day, every day (especially now that school is out... barf), this little brat is stampeding (not running, not skipping, not walking, not tiptoeing... GALLOPING. STOMPING. JUMPING) back and forth across the floor above us. Screaming at the top of her substantial lungs for positively NO REASON.
This family, like us, is low-income. We live in tax credit housing. Like us, their income is strained for their family size. This child (or, uncontrollable rogue beast, if you prefer) is supposedly bi-polar.
The problem here is that they have sought absolutely no help for the kid. She is permitted to be a loud, obnoxious, psychotic monster day in and day out, shrieking like a banshee on fire on a regular basis, banging, jumping, and tearing through the apartment like a cat with night crazies, except weighing about 80 pounds. She is on no medication, has no therapy/counseling support, no nothing. And when you see her out and about in the yard or parking lot, she LOOKS crazy. Like, legit bonkers, crazy-haired, dirty-clothing-clad, dirty-faced little ragamuffin child.
I don't give a shit who you are or what your situation is. BE A PARENT. Get your child help. Get another job. You make it work, because it's your baby. Instead of making yourselves, your other children, the bi-polar bag-of-nuts and all your neighbors, friends and family CRAZY, do something to help your child deal with her issues. I cannot imagine, even for a second, letting one of my little boys suffer through the crippling mood swings and feelings that plague those with bipolar disorder. Not to mention, sacrificing the happiness and sanity of our entire family.
Naturally, this family shows classic signs of being ghetto trash. So I suppose that might have something to do with it. Having a child with a condition or disorder is one thing. Refusing to bother doing something about it is quite another.
And so, to end this bitch-fest rant on a positive note, I leave you with this:
They have three children, one of which is an absolute terror. We live below this family and all day, every day (especially now that school is out... barf), this little brat is stampeding (not running, not skipping, not walking, not tiptoeing... GALLOPING. STOMPING. JUMPING) back and forth across the floor above us. Screaming at the top of her substantial lungs for positively NO REASON.
This family, like us, is low-income. We live in tax credit housing. Like us, their income is strained for their family size. This child (or, uncontrollable rogue beast, if you prefer) is supposedly bi-polar.
The problem here is that they have sought absolutely no help for the kid. She is permitted to be a loud, obnoxious, psychotic monster day in and day out, shrieking like a banshee on fire on a regular basis, banging, jumping, and tearing through the apartment like a cat with night crazies, except weighing about 80 pounds. She is on no medication, has no therapy/counseling support, no nothing. And when you see her out and about in the yard or parking lot, she LOOKS crazy. Like, legit bonkers, crazy-haired, dirty-clothing-clad, dirty-faced little ragamuffin child.
"Does anyone else hear chirping?"
Not even exaggerating a little bit.
I don't give a shit who you are or what your situation is. BE A PARENT. Get your child help. Get another job. You make it work, because it's your baby. Instead of making yourselves, your other children, the bi-polar bag-of-nuts and all your neighbors, friends and family CRAZY, do something to help your child deal with her issues. I cannot imagine, even for a second, letting one of my little boys suffer through the crippling mood swings and feelings that plague those with bipolar disorder. Not to mention, sacrificing the happiness and sanity of our entire family.
Naturally, this family shows classic signs of being ghetto trash. So I suppose that might have something to do with it. Having a child with a condition or disorder is one thing. Refusing to bother doing something about it is quite another.
And so, to end this bitch-fest rant on a positive note, I leave you with this:
*maniacal laughter*
Dexter, May 2013
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Twenty things they don't tell you.
When you're expecting twins, you're expecting chaos. I can't tell you how many times I heard, both throughout pregnancy and for these first four months of my babies' lives, "oh my gosh, you've got your hands full" and "wow! You must be busy!" and even the occasional "ha... better you than me". After the... oh... TEN-THOUSANDTH TIME you hear these things, they start to get old. Just once, when someone comments on how hubbz and I have our hands full, I would love to have to gonads to respond with, "why yes. How about instead of pointing that out to me, you offer to come babysit? Or make me dinner?"
But to those that pity mothers of multiples, allow me to broadcast a big F*** YOU. Because my boys are the most beautiful babies in the world... strong, healthy, happy and fortunately very easy babies. Nevermind that I spent the first three weeks of their lives crying hysterically. And refusing to eat. And fighting infections. And... well, I'll stop there. It was worth it.
Looking back, I saw a few things online and in parenting magazines where writers and bloggers would list "things I was never told about pregnancy" or "things I was never told about having a baby". Allow me to provide you my own, 100% true, disturbing list of facts about twin pregnancies and babies in general:
1. After you deliver your baby(ies), you will bleed like you are DYING. I'm not talking the standard period. I'm talking giant thunderpad diapers full of nasty.
2. You will feel blissful and unaware of reality while you stay in the hospital postpartum. ENJOY. EVERY. SECOND. Take advantage of the nurses and staff. Reap all the supplies you can from your hospital room: diapers (both adult and baby), the stretchy mesh underwear (especially if you have a C-section and can't fit into your own drawers due to the massive gut you have acquired), wipes, vaseline, everything. You will feel like you could ride a jet ski to the top of a f***ing mountain during those few wonderful days (thank you, Eastbound and Down). This is 99% due to beastly pain meds, 1% due to nurses (who are amazing, seriously. Thank them before you leave, or send them a card once you're home).
3. I stress number two as vehemently as possible for this one simple reason: when you get home, you will suddenly feel like you don't know anything.
4. If you are unlucky enough to experience Postpartum Depression and/or baby blues, God bless and keep you. This leads to constant, uncontrollable, hysterical, breathless sobbing for literally no reason. About two weeks after my twins were born, I found myself sitting on the floor with a baby on a blanket in front of me and sobbing so hard I couldn't breathe because I couldn't get his carseat buckle to open.
5. While pregnant with multiples, or even just a REALLY HUGE singleton baby, your pelvis will feel like it will actually shatter and fall out from under you.
6. Bed rest is SWEET for about a week. After that, you may want to warn your hubby to sleep on the couch. Not because he's done something wrong... yet. Because you will hate anyone and everything so much after being bedbound and crippled for so long that you will invent things that he's supposedly done.
7. At some point in late pregnancy, you may not be able to breathe. I took Benadryl nightly and slept with a nose strip, and still had frequent nuclear meltdowns because I couldn't sleep.
8. You will itch. Everywhere. And nothing will help except birthing that baby.
9. HEAAAAARTBURRRRRRN. INDIGESTION. DIARRHEA.
10. Hemorrhoids. Oh. My. God.
11. The older your baby gets, the grosser their crap is. My twins are four months old and their dirty poopy diapers smell like a 90 year-old man ate a dead skunk, died and expelled the contents of his bowels, and then a sick dog came by and ate the skunk excrement and then liquid-fire-shat it out and then died next to it. Then someone set it all on fire.
12. If breastfeeding hurts, ur doin it wrong.
13. Babies fart. Loudly. And they stink. Don't ask me why this never occurred to me before I had babies.
14. If you choose to circumsize a boy, do not panic. His little winkie is not angry and on fire, as I believed for a long time. It just LOOKS scary. Supposedly, they don't even really notice it.
15. Boys pee. A lot. On a lot of things. Keep a washcloth handy to cover them with during diaper changes.
16. Just when you think you've mastered the quick diaper change or diapering after a bath, your baby will crap IN YOUR HAND while you're powdering his butt. Then he will look at you, smile a big, drooly, gummy smile, and coo in triumph. This happened to me, word for word.
17. Your baby is not having a seizure. The weird limb-flailing and head wobbling is normal. It took me a while to grasp this.
18. Most of the people that assured you over and over during pregnancy that they would come babysit, cook, clean, etc. after your baby is born will disappear entirely. This generally does not include family, so be eternally grateful and take advantage of any help they offer.
19. Do not ever allow yourself to fall asleep holding your baby. PLEASE trust me on this. Bad things happen when you are so sleep deprived you're hallucinating. I'm too ashamed to say what, specifically, but bad things happen, and they can and will happen to you.
20. Newborn babies are not wearing lip liner, no matter how chic they may appear.
No matter how disturbing, depressing, or negative this may sound, when your end result is this:
... trust me, it is truly, completely, 100% well worth it.
But to those that pity mothers of multiples, allow me to broadcast a big F*** YOU. Because my boys are the most beautiful babies in the world... strong, healthy, happy and fortunately very easy babies. Nevermind that I spent the first three weeks of their lives crying hysterically. And refusing to eat. And fighting infections. And... well, I'll stop there. It was worth it.
Looking back, I saw a few things online and in parenting magazines where writers and bloggers would list "things I was never told about pregnancy" or "things I was never told about having a baby". Allow me to provide you my own, 100% true, disturbing list of facts about twin pregnancies and babies in general:
1. After you deliver your baby(ies), you will bleed like you are DYING. I'm not talking the standard period. I'm talking giant thunderpad diapers full of nasty.
2. You will feel blissful and unaware of reality while you stay in the hospital postpartum. ENJOY. EVERY. SECOND. Take advantage of the nurses and staff. Reap all the supplies you can from your hospital room: diapers (both adult and baby), the stretchy mesh underwear (especially if you have a C-section and can't fit into your own drawers due to the massive gut you have acquired), wipes, vaseline, everything. You will feel like you could ride a jet ski to the top of a f***ing mountain during those few wonderful days (thank you, Eastbound and Down). This is 99% due to beastly pain meds, 1% due to nurses (who are amazing, seriously. Thank them before you leave, or send them a card once you're home).
3. I stress number two as vehemently as possible for this one simple reason: when you get home, you will suddenly feel like you don't know anything.
4. If you are unlucky enough to experience Postpartum Depression and/or baby blues, God bless and keep you. This leads to constant, uncontrollable, hysterical, breathless sobbing for literally no reason. About two weeks after my twins were born, I found myself sitting on the floor with a baby on a blanket in front of me and sobbing so hard I couldn't breathe because I couldn't get his carseat buckle to open.
5. While pregnant with multiples, or even just a REALLY HUGE singleton baby, your pelvis will feel like it will actually shatter and fall out from under you.
6. Bed rest is SWEET for about a week. After that, you may want to warn your hubby to sleep on the couch. Not because he's done something wrong... yet. Because you will hate anyone and everything so much after being bedbound and crippled for so long that you will invent things that he's supposedly done.
7. At some point in late pregnancy, you may not be able to breathe. I took Benadryl nightly and slept with a nose strip, and still had frequent nuclear meltdowns because I couldn't sleep.
8. You will itch. Everywhere. And nothing will help except birthing that baby.
9. HEAAAAARTBURRRRRRN. INDIGESTION. DIARRHEA.
10. Hemorrhoids. Oh. My. God.
11. The older your baby gets, the grosser their crap is. My twins are four months old and their dirty poopy diapers smell like a 90 year-old man ate a dead skunk, died and expelled the contents of his bowels, and then a sick dog came by and ate the skunk excrement and then liquid-fire-shat it out and then died next to it. Then someone set it all on fire.
12. If breastfeeding hurts, ur doin it wrong.
13. Babies fart. Loudly. And they stink. Don't ask me why this never occurred to me before I had babies.
14. If you choose to circumsize a boy, do not panic. His little winkie is not angry and on fire, as I believed for a long time. It just LOOKS scary. Supposedly, they don't even really notice it.
15. Boys pee. A lot. On a lot of things. Keep a washcloth handy to cover them with during diaper changes.
16. Just when you think you've mastered the quick diaper change or diapering after a bath, your baby will crap IN YOUR HAND while you're powdering his butt. Then he will look at you, smile a big, drooly, gummy smile, and coo in triumph. This happened to me, word for word.
17. Your baby is not having a seizure. The weird limb-flailing and head wobbling is normal. It took me a while to grasp this.
18. Most of the people that assured you over and over during pregnancy that they would come babysit, cook, clean, etc. after your baby is born will disappear entirely. This generally does not include family, so be eternally grateful and take advantage of any help they offer.
19. Do not ever allow yourself to fall asleep holding your baby. PLEASE trust me on this. Bad things happen when you are so sleep deprived you're hallucinating. I'm too ashamed to say what, specifically, but bad things happen, and they can and will happen to you.
20. Newborn babies are not wearing lip liner, no matter how chic they may appear.
No matter how disturbing, depressing, or negative this may sound, when your end result is this:
... trust me, it is truly, completely, 100% well worth it.
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