The Mortar To My Brick

I've heard women say many things about being a mom, and among them, that it's a faceless job... so to speak.

I'm referring to mothers, especially stay-at-home moms, becoming a sort of silent, driving force in a family. The unrecognized mortar that binds together the bricks of the family's foundation. I'm referring to how a child can go off to school for the day thinking that everything they do and everyone they see comprises the entire world they live in, come home, go to bed, and go back to their "world" all over again. They never notice the clean clothes in their drawer, the hot food on the table, the "I love you" note and extra cookie in their lunchbox... nor who did it all for them.

I'm a mother now (derp), and I am 110% in love with my amazing husband and my beautiful boys. Many women look down on me for being content to raise my children and take care of my family rather than work 80 hours a week at a law firm or travel back and forth to California or New York or Florida for business all year long. To these women, I say:

I had career dreams, of course. But while spending six years in school convincing myself that I needed a master's and/or PhD to be happy for the rest of my life, I knew deep down that the only things I truly wanted and needed to be happy were a good husband, children, and my family and friends. At the end of the day, isn't that what makes anyone happy? Doesn't everyone wait to come home to people they love after a long, crappy day of work? The only differences for me are that I don't get paid to do what I do, and I do the things I do for the benefit of others more than myself. There is no promotion, no pay raise, no upgrade.

There is, of course, one more difference....

Motherhood is a thankless job, one of little to no recognition. I came to realize that very quickly when I started noticing, going through photos and putting them into albums, that I was in a painful few number of the pictures. I was almost always the one holding the camera, and I still am. I see photos of my family, my in-laws, my friends, my husband, holding our babies, and can't help feeling depressed at the fact that nobody thinks to document my time with my children... or anyone else for that matter. I'm well aware that I'm not at all photogenic, and while I'm already a cow, the camera makes it 10x worse. Everyone takes pictures of everyone else because they know that preserving these memories now will make many people happy later. But rarely does anyone realize that I'm still there. I'm sure it sounds bitter, and to an extent, it kind of is. But I was the one that grew these perfect little humans inside my body for eight months. I was the one that suffered two lonely months in a bed by myself half the day, cut off from the world (unless you count Facebook). I was the one that had to lay in a hospital bed on countless occasions with agonizing back pain and too-small straps and fetal heart monitors cutting into my skin. I was the one that had to be cut open, and later suffer infection from the cesarean delivery of the twins. And I'm the one that goes unnoticed.

I know and am slightly ashamed that I am wallowing in self-pity. No one needs to tell me this. But, like so many things in life, I expected something different than I got.

I have no regrets. I don't regret my marriage, I don't regret conceiving a baby, much less two. I don't regret any of it. I would do it over again in half a heartbeat. But the important lesson I have learned is that my mother, my mother-in-law, every mother alive deserves far more praise, recognition, and thanks for what they do and have done. Knowing now what motherhood really is, I am ashamed that I didn't thank my own mother enough for the countless things, large and small, that she did for me and my siblings growing up. My mom is incredible, and I would not be where I am today without all of her love, care, and sacrifice. I love you, Momma. You are the mortar to my brick.

So, mothers everywhere, know that you are seen, heard, and appreciated... at the very least, by one fellow mom.